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#1 Jason M. Kays

Jason M. Kays


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Posted 23 July 2009 - 04:49 PM

Where do you live (city, country)?
Port Townsend, Washington. United States

What is the weather like?
Kafka without the sunshine.

Have you lived there very long?
Ten years.

Would you rather live somewhere else?
I spend part of the year in Boston, which is a nice balance. So, no.

Are you married or single?
Single, but please don't tell my mistress.

Do you have kids?
No. Nor have I ever met Kathy Lee Gifford.

Where were you born?

Port Angeles, Washington

What was your childhood like?
I'm uncertain, as I was born into an Episcopalian family, where childhood is strictly forbidden. It was kind of like Benjamin Button, without the residuals, hypnotic cheekbones and Angeline Jolie.

What was it like growing up as a teen? What did you do for fun?
Given an ill-timed absence of motor skills, my teen years were relegated to the high school computer lab, hacking DoD networks to plot worldwide domination. Unfortunately, Bill Gates and Megan Fox beat me to it. And here you thought she was dumb as a box of hair. Acting, my friend, acting. And that is why she is the greatest thespian of our time.

Back to the present, what's your favorite room in your house?
That depends on the company I keep at any given moment. During prêt-à-porter in February and September, when my significant other is touring the salons of Paris on my book royalties, my walk-in humidor; flaunting my vast and diverse selection of smokeable phallic symbols to the young and impressionable Megan Fox. When those royalties have been exhausted and "she who must be obeyed" has returned to the hearth, the anechoic chamber/home recording studio.

Do you have an outside job?
Yes, I have a license to practice crime: attorney by day, bon vivant and writer by night.

What is your favorite thing to do on your day off?
Bribing politicians.

What's your most favorite thing to eat for breakfast?
Let's not bring the au pair into this. I never dine and dish.

Do you have any pets?
Yes, two cats: Donatella and Consigliere. Because every good entertainment attorney needs a consigliere.

Do you know your neighbors?
Yes, but my accountant pays them monthly to disavow any knowledge of me and any and all alleged crimes of moral turpitude.

Pepsi or Coke?
Coke. After two nose jobs, I've switched to the beverage.

Favorite time of year?
Winter, of course. It's much more difficult for the authorities to dig up the bodies.

Favorite color?


Favorite book?
Richard III by William Shakespeare. He always gets the woman, if not the horse. A Man in Full by Tom Wolfe.

Does your car look better than your house?
With what my mechanic charges, it should.

What's on your mousepad?
A Logitech G9 gaming mouse sporting the logo of my overclockers' enthusiast website, Asus Independent.com.

How many times do you let the phone ring before you answer it?
Three times if it's Megan to impart an air of insouciance. Otherwise, I let Consigliere answer the phone. Particularly if it is "she who must be obeyed".

What's the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
That all depends. But it's not the au pair. Promise.

Chocolate or vanilla?
Warmed, dark chocolate ganache overtop vanilla ice cream.

Do you like to drive too fast?

Most definitely.

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
Please! Megan has feelings too.

If you could meet one person dead or alive, who would it be?
While the dead are less likely to complain about the wine (and leave more for my enjoyment), I would say legendary trumpeter Arturo Sandoval.

What's your favorite alcoholic drink?
A big fruity Syrah, Burgundy or Merlot.

What is your zodiac sign?

If you could have any job that you wanted, what would it be?
Business development for a record label.

What's under your bed?
That all depends. But it's not the au pair. Promise.

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