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Miss Ex Cali Rocks Her Pooty 'Pope in a Boat'

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#1 Jason M. Kays

Jason M. Kays


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Posted 05 November 2009 - 09:20 PM

God's Virginal Vessel?

The Authorpreneur Program Disgraced former Miss Cali and Virgin Mary channeler, Carrie Prejean, sued the Miss California USA organization this summer, alleging religious discrimination. The suit roundly lambasts all philistines encountered by Miss Ex Cali post-excommunication, with the exception of Miss USA pageant owner, Donald Trump. Having been lynched by the lifeline he previously tossed her, Trump has gone on record stating, "Carrie treated people like shit."

Blessed Boobies - Repossessed

The civil complaint, filed in L.A. County Superior Court, also accused pageant officers of intentional infliction of emotional distress, defamation and public disclosure of private facts. In short, pageant coordinators let "slip" that Prejean's silicon enhanced celestial C-cups were paid for by the production company.

This admission greatly distresses Ex Miss Cali, who sees the attribution of boobies to any force other than God as a blasphemy. A glove slap to the cheek of creationism. In a tearful public statement, Prejean passionately pled to the press that her dethroned ta-tas were the handiwork of the Holy Spirit, not a Hollywood surgeon.

Saint Carrie

This week the pageant filed a countersuit. Their cross complaint demands that Prejean's claim of disclosure of private facts – breast augmentation – be stricken from her complaint. Pageant officials contend in their civil suit that Miss Ex Cali's boobie boost ". . . ceased being private during the swimsuit competition of the nationally-televised Miss USA pageant, in which Ms. Prejean walked the stage in a bikini." The complaint also seeks return of the $5,200 the pageant anteed up for Miss Ex Cali's boob job. Representing her in the suit is fellow bigot, attorney Charles Limandri, who was general counsel to the National Organization of Marriage. NOM was key in achieving momentum for Proposition 8, the California ballot initiative to amend the state constitution with a legal definition of marriage that excludes same sex couples. In a letter sent to Miss Cali USA, Inc, Limandri accused pageant commandant, Keith Lewis, of exploiting his client 'to push a gay agenda.'

Jesus Held the Camcorder!

Lewis, asserts in the cross claim that, "Prejean is a hypocrite, championing family values after posing for a variety of 'semi-nude photos.'" Prejean, who references God more frequently in speaking engagements than Jesus, has professed she would rather be "biblically correct than politically correct." Alluding to Prejean's piety, Lewis opined, ""Had [Carrie] heeded the guidance of the Gospel of John, who admonished only those who are without sin to cast stones in judgment, she might have avoided this legal battle . . . ."


In her suit, Miss Ex Cali argues that pageant production staff "fabricated a fraudulent list of some 50 public appearances allegedly missed by Prejean, which they released to the media in order to justify her termination as Miss California USA." Prejean insists her banishment from the plasticine parallel universe is solely attributable to the pageant's persecution of her religious beliefs. She contends the manufactured no-shows were a pretext for her ouster. The Miss California USA organization did, in fact, cite missed appearances and failure to clear extracurricular activities as partial grounds for her exile. Miss Ex-Cali further charges that the organization attempted to compel noncompliance by pressuring her to do a Playboy magazine shoot for $120,000.

Glory Days

Lewis, characterizing Prejean's suit, countered, "I would guess Carrie sees it as a chance to get publicity for her upcoming book because in the interviews I have seen, she talks about the suit and the book in the same breath. We have no problem with her selling lots of books – considering in the current situation we could stand to profit from every copy she sells."

Pageant representative, Shanna Moakler, maintained that ". . . as everyone who watched or read her public statements is well aware, Ms. Prejean's unfortunate and bigoted statements are responsible for any public humiliation or damages to her reputation that she has claimed to have suffered."

Saint Carrie

On November 4, 2009, the "public humiliation and damage" reached a crescendo. Prejean abruptly dropped her law suit against the Miss California Pageant. Mere hours after being presented with a sex tape by counsel for the pageant showing Prejean enthusiastically rocking her vajj 'Pope-in-a-boat'. The video features Miss Ex-Cali in a solo act. Pageant officials recently came into possession of the cinéma vérité showcasing yet another of Carrie Prejean's hidden talents: auto eroticism.

CP, Christian Crusader

Perhaps intended as a testimonial to the joys of a monastic existence, the outrageously graphic footage shows a spirited Prejean getting herself off whilst videotaped by an ex boyfriend. Presumably one very pissed off ex boyfriend, given the tape's untimely debut as Prejean was ramping up for a highly public court battle.

The tape is so graphic that muckraker gossip rag, TMZ, refused to release it for public consumption. TMZ. The same online tabloid that didn't hesitate to Netcast the Miss Teen USA – Gray's Anatomy sex tape. This certainly sets the stage for Prejean's next speaking engagement at the Values Voter Summit. No doubt the "Great American Conservative Women" calendar, featuring Prejean as Miss October, will now command a higher opening bid on eBay

Yours in Sweet Sin,

Mdm. Clarice Westwater

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