God gave us our bodies, and it’s perfectly right that we use them in ways where we can give glory to God by making our bodies, our temples of the Holy Spirit, strong and fast.
The king of hyperbole, Donald Trump had run out of spin for Christian Conservative celebutard, Carrie “blessed boobies” Prejean. Prejean, distraught over the recent furor caused by her sex tape, contacted Trump for counsel. Business acumen prevailed over sensitivity training, and Trump advised Prejean to, “Pursue a career in porn.” Not the guidance Miss Ex Cali was hoping for from the comb-over comeback kid.
Trump is intimately familiar with scandal, sexcapades and public scorn. His libido has cost him dearly over the years, but he has spared America the full monty. He has paraded around his playmates and snatched up a few beauty pageants as panacea for male menopause, but we were never invited into the bedroom. Were Trump to extend an invitation, god forbid, it’s highly unlikely he would be performing solo.
Prejean, on the other hand, did not want to be upstaged by a costar. To avoid that risk, all footage features the beauty queen in various acts of sticky autoeroticism. Moaning as the narcissist works her magic button, preening and posing in front of a mirror as she “gives glory to god”. Repeatedly.
Publicly decrying her cinematic debut as “the worst mistake of my life,” the Masturbatrix declared a Jesus jihad on those giving ink to her clitoral calisthenics. She set out on a tour of the lunatic fringe conservative talk shows. When her attempt to explain away the carnal two-step as a new form of Pilates failed to persuade, she copped to the exhibitionism.
Prejean’s pubis pillorying provided endless pooty jokes for late night pundits. They hypocrite-o-meter redlined when it was revealed “the worst mistake of her life” was not a singular error in judgment, but a miniseries. Miss Ex Cali was both auteur and ingénue in no less than eight skin flicks. The lucky recipient claims there are sixteen total. Thirty new nude photos also surfaced.
Clearly, this was not someone giving the new webcam a test run. This was a passionate artist dedicated to her craft. Prejean’s “temple of the Holy Spirit” was fast becoming a brothel for JC and disciples. The pageant phenom had single handedly redefined pooty-porn.
Pageant queen to porn royalty is a natural progression in performance art. Beauty pageants are, after all, little more than Protestant porn light. No one, save for pageant pimp parents, gives a fig leaf about intellect, accomplishments, talent or personality. It’s all about the booty. Were it not for the swimsuit competition, no one would watch these boorish schmaltz-fests. Trump has openly acknowledged this reality when he eliminated the talent portion of the pageants. Contestants with any measure of common sense recognize this fact. They like attention, have exhibitionist tendencies and use the competition as a stepping stone to bigger and better things.
Miss Ex Cali ranks as an overachiever among porn stars. She has undisputedly established herself as attention-whore, exhibitionist extraordinaire and a craven opportunist. A hired gun for the highest bidder, regardless of conflict with her personal social mores. Prejean’s boyfriend asserts the valley girl is about as a pious as a Pez dispenser. No doubt she was politically agnostic too. Then the fundies came knocking after she dismissed the gay population as disenfranchised citizens. The price was right, so she reinvented herself as a conservative Christian, despite the fact she has no past affiliation with fundamentalists or the GOP. An ideologue of convenience and mercenary bigot, Prejean has out-slutted the most veteran porn actresses.
As a porn actress, Carrie Prejean passed the screen test with flying colors without a formal audition. Her duplicitous life has been one big casting call. And her dress rehearsal, passing herself off as talking head for a moral paradigm antithetical to her own. Eclipsed as a personality by her own hypocrisy, Prejean’s speaking engagements are growing scarce. Republicans are accustomed to disingenuous windbags if they promote the party agenda. That tolerance fades when the ruse becomes transparent to the target audience of would be converts. When it is apparent to the proletariat that the empress has no clothes, it is time to recruit another figurehead.
At this juncture, even vacuous Miss Ex Cali can see she is being shown the door by her adoptive family of ditto heads. She realizes she must reinvent herself yet again. Perhaps the leaked sex tape was fortuitous, as this role will only require that Carrie Prejean be herself, a sex object and moral agnostic.
She would be wise to heed the advice of Trump and new Vivid adult starlet, Shauna Sand-Lamas. In an open letter to Prejean, Sand proposes:
I told Steven [Hirsch, Vivid CEO] that I wanted to eliminate any compensation to the third party since it was my movie that I not only starred in, but also directed and added the music to. I also told him that I wanted to be involved in the marketing of the movie as I really cared about it.
I’m really glad I made that decision. I’m proud of my body and of the passion that I felt during the making of the movie which became “Shauna Sand Exposed.”
Why don’t you consider taking control yourself and handle this situation on your own terms so that you are in the driver’s seat. It all starts with a telephone call to Steven to find out what your options are. I’d be happy to talk to you one-on-one about how I did it.
Thus marks the start of a beautiful career . . .
Yours in Sweet Sin,
Mdm Clarice Westwater